


Red Rocket to the Moon (Find a New Religion)

by misura



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Character Death Fix, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sakaar (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Tony and Nebula hit Sakaar.





	Red Rocket to the Moon (Find a New Religion)

"Sakaar," Nebula said, her upper lip curled in disgust.

Granted, from what Tony had seen so far, a whole lot of things disgusted Nebula, ranging from such perfectly reasonable-to-be-disgusted-by things like the current state of the universe (well, all right, _disgust_ wouldn't be Tony's first emotion of choice, but to each his own) to less understandable things like Tony pointing out their food-water-and-transportation problem.

"Is that good? Bad? In between?" From the looks of it, kind of your average alien planet, not that Tony wouldn't be the first to admit that between the two of them, hers was the greater experience.

Of course, hers was also the greater tendency-to-keep-one's-mouth-shut, so it all evened out, more or less, if you squinted a little.

"Yes," she said, neatly proving Tony's point.

 

"Guests!"

Nebula had been her usual chatty self on the way down, so Tony figured he'd just have to rely on his own keen powers of observation. They noted the big stick, the appalling fashion sense, the friendly smile and oh yeah, the bodyguards. Clearly a person who either was important or thought he was.

Tony put on his 'look at me, I'm a charming guy' smile and prepared to do a bit of ass-kissing.

"We spit on your hospitality," said Nebula. She didn't actually spit, but her expression suggested it was only because she didn't feel like making that much of an effort.

"Whoa," said the guy. "Now that's not nice. Kind of rude, even, don't you think?"

Nebula said nothing. Tony would have felt better about that if the guy had been talking to her instead of to an empty spot to his right.

"Tell you what, I'm in a good mood, so we'll just chalk it up to nerves and your terrible upbringing, how's that? I mean, I've watched some of the footage and, well, yikes. Know what I mean? Does he know what I mean?"

Tony figured it might be about time to restart the conversation. "Tony Stark. Pleasure." He considered offering a handshake, but the guy was still holding that big stick which Tony didn't really like the look of, so he figured a friendly nod would do just as well.

Nebula sneered, except that as far as Tony could tell, a sneer was kind of her default expression. Sneered more, maybe?

"Not yet, it isn't." The guy winked. "But hey, willing to give it a go if you are, how's that?"

"We're leaving," Nebula said.

"You, I like. Therefore, as a special, special favor, you can call me Grandmaster," the guy - the Grandmaster? told Tony. "Say 'thank you'."

"Thank you, Grandmaster," Tony said, because why not? As far as he could tell, the guy was harmless: a bit full of himself, maybe, a little strange, but not, say, dead set on killing half the people in the universe or something like that, so right now, in Tony's book, that made him pretty much okay. Not too bad-looking, either. Experienced, Tony'd bet. Besides, a bit of alien nookie might be just the thing to interrupt an otherwise somewhat tedious and horrible trip.

"You - hm. I don't like you."

Nebula's glare suggested the feeling was mutual. "Give me a ship and I'll leave."

"A ship? A _ship_? Know how expensive those are? Give me a ship, she says. No, I'm not going to give you a ship. Know who I give ships to? People I like, that's who. Now, we can do this the hard way, or we can - no, let's just do this the fun way. You, with me. You - well, you know."

"You really are a fool if you think any of your cells can hold me," Nebula said.

Tony shot her a 'look, I'm willing to try and save this situation, but you've got to give me something to work with here, like maybe sullen silence? think you can maybe manage some sullen silence?' look, which didn't seem to make much of an impression.

"Right this way, then," the Grandmaster said, lightly putting his hand on Tony's arm, while Nebula disappeared behind about a dozen guards. She didn't start screaming for help or anything. More remarkably, neither did the guards, so Tony figured that was more or less all right: he'd do his thing, she'd do hers, and at some point, they'd meet up again and compare notes. "I have a bed. Well, in fact, I have several, but I've got one very specific bed in mind right now. You'll love it."

 

'Love' might have been overstating things a bit. Or rather: had the bed been empty, Tony might have felt neutral to positive about it.

"Stark?" Small comfort Loki appeared as surprised to see him as Tony felt. "What - how did you get here?"

"Ah, now therein lies a story." The Grandmaster sat down on a chair, fingers steepled.

Loki looked at him. Tony followed suit, seeing as how he didn't have a clue either.

"Well? I'm waiting," the Grandmaster said. "Or we could get on with things. Other things. I'm flexible like that. I mean, two, three hours - you're good to go, right?" To Loki. "Asgardians! Love 'em!" To Tony, who nodded as if he knew all about it. (Well. Not like he'd never looked at Thor and thought about hitting that - once they were done saving the world, of course. Business before pleasure, and all that.)

"How did _you_ get here?" Tony asked. "Last I heard, you were dead." Thor'd seemed pretty torn up about it, talked about putting up a statue, maybe, with a helmet and the big horns.

Loki offered him a thin smile. "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

"This is Sakaar," Nebula (Nebula?) said. So, pretty much 100% accurate when it came to the cells in this place, Tony figured. He hoped the guards were all right. "All the lost things in the universe end up here. And people."

Tony wondered which one she considered him. And herself. "And, I don't know, hope?"

"Beauty _and_ brains." The Grandmaster smiled.

"We'll take what we need and go. We'll let you live." Tony assumed Nebula was holding some kind of weapon. Didn't look like much, but 'stupid' didn't generally apply to her - unless you counted 'stupidly bent on killing Thanos', which sounded like a pretty good idea to Tony, actually, apart from the whole 'by myself' part which didn't seem likely.

"What about your sister? Gamora, wasn't it? What if I told she was here, too?"

"My sister is dead," Nebula said. "She's not lost. She never was."

The Grandmaster looked at her. Tony glanced at Loki who spread his hands by way of saying 'I'm just a godlike being with delusions of being destined to rule your planet - what do I know?'.

"Oh well, worth a try." The Grandmaster shrugged. "So how about a little something before you hit the road?"

"I would hardly call it 'little'," Loki said.

"This guy! Love him, I really do. Stark - it was Stark, wasn't it? You in or you in?"

Nebula sneered. "I'll go and find us a ship."

 

"Hope," Loki said, some hours later. "Did you really mean that? On _Sakaar_?"

"Got you, didn't we?" Tony didn't know that he'd call that 'a good thing', necessarily, but beggars, choosers and anyway, not as if Loki'd come near destroying New York City because he was a wimp.

So what if, like Nebula, he wasn't going to kick Thanos's ass all by his lonesome? Tony'd either teach the two of them teamwork or die trying. Or die dying, but eh. Worries for another day.

"Thanos already killed me once. You really think I'm going to join forces with you so he can try again and maybe finish the job properly this time?"

Well. That answered one question, anyway. "I think you're pissed and want to get even with this guy. So yeah. Welcome to the Avengers, Reindeer Games."

Loki sneered.

 

_epilogue_

"You _let them go_? Why did you let them go?"

The Grandmaster spread his hands. "My hands were tied. Literally."

"Ugh," Gamora said.


End file.
